Happy Landings aviation humor

 

Aviation articles by Garth Wallace

12/ In praise of tail-draggers

Part I
Have you heard airport geezers boast about learning to fly in tail-draggers? They say things like, "You’re never really a pilot until you can land a tail-dragger." They make it sound like some kind of higher order in aviation.
Well, it’s not, but it is interesting and it’s definitely different. Mastering tail-draggers involves more than learning special take-off and landing techniques. It’s a whole new aviation experience.
I’m talking about fabric and tube tail-wheel airplanes; the putt-putts with two-digit horsepower that stall at kite speed and were built before baby boomers. These include early Pipers, Fleet Canucks, Taylorcraft, Aeroncas, one Funk and all early homebuilts.
What makes flying these airplanes so different is nothing; no power, no climb, no speed, no electrics, no lights, no radios, no instruments, no mixture, no comfort, no heat, no flaps, no brakes, no nose-wheel and no vises.
Call them rag-wings, flivvers, puddle-jumpers, kites or fart-carts but remember the official name is "conventional-geared aircraft".
Here, tongue-in-cheek, is what I mean.

Tail-dragger specifications
Engine power – wheezy
Speed – see Engine power
Range – enough for an old pilot looking for a pit stop
Take-off distance – a hop, skip and a jump
Landing distance – one plop, sometimes two
Rate of climb – I think I can, I think I can…
Glide range – I thought I could, I thought I could…
Construction – welding, carving, sewing, doping and baling
Interior – not your father’s Bonanza; not his Ford either
Avionics – what are they?
Destinations – the sky
Airports – optional
Fun factor – extreme

You’ll recognize these airplanes at your airport. They’re the ones with character. You can spot the owners the same way.

Flivver flight planning
The term "weather briefing" was invented by tail-wheel aviation. Floating around the patch at 500 feet with the doors off, checking out the neighbours’ backyards and throttling back to bark at coyotes doesn’t require fancy weather forecasts. Step outside. If it’s hard to open the door, it might be too windy. Otherwise, if you can see where you’re going, go.
Rag-wing pilots planning a cross-country flight look at the weather map in a newspaper. They hold it in the direction they’re headed.
"High pressure on the right, tail-dragger delight."
High on the right means two days of tailwinds and clear skies.
Wind can be the devil or angel on a trip in an old puddle-jumper. A 20-mph breeze turns a cruise speed of 70 mph into a ground speed of 50 or 90 mph. A 150-mile leg can be three hours, or an hour forty, take your pick. There isn’t much choice if the fuel tank holds 10 U.S. gallons and the engine burns four gallons per hour.
"Low pressure on the right, tail-dragger plight."
In this case, it’s headwinds punctuated by bad weather. Old kite pilots have three choices:
1/ Wait,
2/ Change destinations by 180 degrees,
3/ Fly a slower, longer trip.
Number three isn’t so bad. There is no better way to see the country and meet people than from 500 feet in a fart-cart against a headwind in bad weather. With legs of 150-miles or less, you’ll see all of the airports on the route and a few gas stations in between. If you’re in a hurry, it’s the wrong kind of flying.
What about ceiling and visibility? VFR minimums are perfect for tail-wheel flying. You fly at 500 feet anyway, so the only problem with low clouds is high-performance pilots trying to fly under them.
At 60 mph it takes one minute to fly to the other side of a one-mile visibility radius. By then the rag-wing pilot can see another mile.

Walkaround
Tail-wheel pilots drive to the airport or walk out the back to go flying. Either way, they’re smiling.
The pre-flight starts when approaching the airplane. Is it lopsided? If so, are you standing on level ground? If you are, don’t worry. The condition of the landing gear is not very important. It’s only used during the lowest speed and briefest part of the flight.
Look in the gas tank. If it isn’t full, fill it. The range of most putt-putts can be measured in yards or minutes. Use car gas. It’s easy to find, cheap to buy, better for the engine, better for the air and a fill-up comes in two cans, one for each hand,
Inspect the whole airplane carefully. Tail-wheel airplanes were hand-built and are hand maintained. They need hands-on walkarounds. Wooden props, aluminum cowlings, cast engines, steel tube frames, cloth covering, dope coatings and gasoline are dissimilar materials. They only work in unison when treated right. Each streak of oil or gas, each cowling crack, spider line in the fabric coating, missing cotter pins, squeaky hinges, frayed cables and cracked strut forks tell a story.
Check that the ignition is off, the throttle closed, the mixture lean (if there is one), the brakes set (if there are any) and the tie-downs on.
Then flip the propeller four times. If you don’t know how to do this properly, get someone who does to show you. And be careful.
You’re checking the engine compression. It’s better if it’s low and even on all cylinders. Then the engine runs smoother and will easily air-start in a dive. If the compression in one cylinder is "good," then it’s bad. The compression ratio of a Continental A65 was only 6.3 to 1 when it was new in the 1940s. Investigate further before flying.
Open the cowling. What colours do you see? The engine should be grey. Anything else is not good. Red, blue or amber is a fuel leak. Brown and shiny is oil where it shouldn’t be. Flat black is a leaky exhaust.
Remove any extras from the engine compartment such as bird nests, branches from a neighbour’s tree or sleeping cats.
Pull out the dipstick. The bottom part should be oily. If not, add oil. Check underneath to see if it’s running out already. If not, fly.
Check the landing gear. Is it wheels, skis or floats? Are you on grass, snow or water? Some crossover is allowed. Wheels, skis and floats all work on grass although you may need to spread STP on the grass before the floatplane will start moving. Skis and floats work OK on snow. Don’t try wheels and skis on water.
Check the fabric. Tape over all splits, tears and holes. If the gap needs more than one width, start taping at the back and work forward. The tape will stay on longer.
Find the airspeed indicator. Is it on a strut or in the panel? If it’s a real tail-dragger, the airspeed will be in mph. Why? Would you rather cruise at 70 knots when it could be 80 mph?
Check the compass. If it’s spinning, or out of fluid, don’t use it.
Other instruments are not really necessary. If you want to know how high you are, look down. If you want a rate of climb, buy a Harmon Rocket. If you want to fly coordinated turns, join the air force.
You’ll notice there are no light switches or radios. If you’re not supposed to be flying at night, why advertise that you are, by having lights? If you’re not supposed to be in the airspace, why broadcast that you are on a radio?
There are no headsets either. The sound of a short-stacked, low-powered, four-banger is not noise, it’s music. Besides, without headsets, you’ll know sooner when the engine sounds bad, and right away when it quits.

Time to start up
Real rag kites don’t have starter motors. So they don’t need batteries, generators, electric cables, accessory mounts, belts, electric switches, fuses, solenoids, buttons or gauges to make the starter work. All that equipment adds weight, drag, cost, complication and care, all for a convenience that’s used for two seconds per flight.
The ignition should already be off, the throttle back, the mixture lean (if installed), tie-downs on, brakes on and/or chocks in place. Now turn the ignition on and set the mixture to rich.
Stand behind the prop and place one hand on it. Reach back and hold onto the doorpost with the other hand. Now you are technically in the aircraft when starting it and in the best spot if the engine catches at high revs and the airplane takes off. Start the engine.
After start: tie-downs off, chalks out, pilot in, passenger in (if there is one), seat belts on and door closed (optional).
Take a deep breath and enjoy the melody of sounds and smells: the uneven chugging of a four-cylinder engine barely turning over and the scent of fabric dope soaked in old fuel and oil with a background of fresh exhaust. If you smell fresh fuel, hot oil or dead mice, shut the engine off, climb out and find the source.
The engine is warm enough to taxi when opening the throttle increases the rpm.
Do the run-up check during the takeoff. Things can get silly doing it parked on skis or floats, or on windy days on wheels.

Departing
Avoid pavement. Take off from the grass between the runways. Then you can always take off into the wind. The bald, half-flat tires will last longer too.
Use as much throttle on takeoff as you want. With 65 horsepower or so, you’re not flaunting it when you use it all.
Take-off distance calculations are easy in tail-draggers. Apply power and take off. Once airborne, bank the airplane gently and look back. What’s behind is the take-off run for that aircraft, with that load, in those conditions.
Don’t wait too long for the lift-off. Give up when the end of the strip is approaching and the kite is still glued down. Leave room to turn and stop.
If the takeoff was a no-go, then tail-wheel pilots have choices. They usually make them in this order: Trying to take off again; trying to take off in a different direction; losing some load and trying again; and waiting for more wind or less air temperature. It also seems to help when the pilot hunches forward, holds the throttle open and talks to the airplane. "Come on, baby. You can do it."
Obstacles at the end of the departure path dictate a need for extra distance. That way you can turn the airplane in the air to miss them.
Here’s an important tip. If you discover that the carburettor heat is "on" during the takeoff, leave it on for a while. Otherwise the change in engine tone will tip off your airport mates to the error and you’ll have to buy the beer on Friday night.
Here’s another tip. Heavy metal pilots might scoff at the underwhelming performance of your rag and tube airplane. Just remember, a takeoff in an RV-6 is like an enema. In a tail-dragger, it’s long and feels good, like sitting on the can and reading an issue of COPA Flight.

PART II
This is the second half of a cheeky look at the surprising differences between flying tail-wheel airplanes and nose-draggers. In this case, "tail-draggers" are the old tube and fabric airplanes, the ones where 85 hp is an upgrade and the cockpit instruments are on a level with powered parachutes.
Last month started a theoretical cross-country in one of these putt-putts to demonstrate that flying tail-wheel airplanes is a whole new aviation experience. At the end of Part 1, we had just lifted off the grass and were waiting for the curvature of the earth to drop away and give us some altitude.

Climbing and cruising
Don’t climb. The best way to see the country is floating along in a low-powered, door-open tail-dragger at 500 feet. It’s also the easiest way to navigate.
Tail-wheel pilots follow roads. Roads have signs with all the information a pilot needs; mileage to the next village, road numbers, advertisements for upcoming attractions and signs pointing to the nearest airport.
Tail-dragger navigation also includes reading community names on water towers, the front of post offices and street-corner newspaper boxes.
Roads are ready-made runways for tail-wheelers. They are convenient for bathroom emergencies, hunger attacks, routing inquiries and engine failures.
Road navigators use road maps. Road maps are free; one covers a whole province; most roads are numbered; they show distances between intersections; service centres are marked and they keep your lap dry in the rain.
Flying at 500 feet is safer. The only airplanes that low are tail-draggers but watch for cell towers, helicopters with sling loads, model airplanes, Ferris wheels, flying squirrels and basketball players. None of these are marked on road maps or aeronautical charts. They’re not a huge problem since it takes three minutes at 60 mph to fly to an obstacle spotted three miles away.
Ground speed checks are a good idea. At 60 mph, a 20-mph headwind can add an hour to a 120-mile leg. There is a danger of losing track of time and running out of gas.
There are three kinds of tail-dragger ground speed checks: flashy sports car, old sub-compact and moped. Brightly-coloured sports cars are always driven at 10 percent over the speed limit. They attract too much attention to go faster. Real speeders drive dark-coloured sedans. So if a taildragger following a highway is keeping pace with a red Corvette, Porsche, or Viper, it’s enjoying a ground speed of 110 kilometres per hour, which is 70 mph.
If the putt-putt can’t pass an old VW Bug, a Renault Dauphine or a Ford Pinto, the ground speed is a maximum of 80 kph or 50 mph. If a tail-dragger is being passed by a 49cc moped then the pilot should turn around and trade the 20 mph ground speed for something much faster going the other way.
Nose-dragger pilots wonder why people fly airplanes that are slower than cars. It’s love. Tail-wheel airplane owners love to fly. The fun of going somewhere in a tail-dragger is the going. If rag-wing pilots want to get somewhere in a hurry, they take the airlines. The seating is tighter and less comfortable but it’s faster and the airline companies need the money.

Enroute stops
Nose-dragger pilots rush around during refueling stops in a hurry to be airborne again. "We should keep moving while we have the weather," they say.
Tail-wheel pilots are different. Refueling stops are for restoring circulation, resting the bum, downloading coffee, uploading coffee, refueling the airplane, oiling the engine, checking the progression of fabric tears and fluid leaks, meeting locals and updating conditions ahead.
It’s much easier to do all this in good weather. It’s drier, people are friendlier and you avoid getting water in the fuel. On a trip, save the good weather for stopping and the bad weather for flying.
The ideal tail-dragger refueling spot is a truck stop. They have the cheapest fuel, best food and cleanest washrooms. They sell all kinds of useful stuff that is not available at airports: tools, duct tape, beef jerky, gas cans, rope and road maps. They also have laundry facilities, showers and rooms.
Find a truck stop that has lots of trucks. Then look for a flat spot or straight piece of quiet side road. Land and pull over. Don’t park at the gas pumps. You will attract less unwanted attention by refueling with cans. Have lunch in the professional drivers’ section of the restaurant. Truckers love to talk and are full of travel information. Ask about the next best stop in your direction.
Tip: Not all parts of Canada accept off-airport refueling as commonplace. Avoid doing this near any city that starts with "V", anywhere in Southern Ontario and everywhere around Ottawa.

Forced approaches
A forced landing may be necessary when the engine and thermals fail at the same time. If this is accompanied by bad noises, a stopped propeller and oil on the windshield, forget about a re-start.
Tail-draggers have a glide ratio of 5:1 or less. That means, in calm air, they can glide up to half a mile from 500 feet. In rising air, this can take hours.
Tip: Don’t report your forced landing to the police, Transport Canada or the Transportation Safety Board if it’s just another off-airport arrival. Landings are not accidents. Crashes are accidents. Government officials are like newspaper reporters; they’re spring loaded to find problems, not solutions. Leave them alone and concentrate on getting the engine running and continuing your trip.

Destinations
Avoid airports with pavement. Most won’t appreciate your visit. Air traffic controllers and flight service specialists don’t have much experience working with NORDO airplanes. Especially ones that cruise at 70 mph, approach at 45, land at 30 and taxi at two to three mph. They get really excited when tail-dragger pilots try to help by landing on a taxiway, the ramp, the grass or the car park.
Paved airports don’t sell 80-octane avgas, cargas or straight weight mineral oil. They won’t allow dripping putt-putts in their hangars. If they did, the pilot would need to mortgage the airplane to pay.
If the airport is large enough to have an airport manager, he or she will be upset to see tail-wheel pilots carrying five-gallon gas cans through the terminal building. The manager will charge fees even though the airport does not provide facilities or services for tail-draggers.
So land at a grass airport outside of town. There is always someone hanging around these places during the day. They usually are good for some conversation and a ride to town. They know the home-cooking restaurants, the flealess motels and the low-priced gas stations. Tail-wheel friendly airports are also the best places for getting something fixed on your rag airplane.
If there is no one around, look for an older car with keys under a mat or over a visor and help yourself to a ride into town.

Arriving
Old tail-draggers land in less than 400 feet in no wind, with no flaps and no brakes. Regular landings, short field landings, soft field, crosswind and forced landings are the same. Pull the carb heat on if you have it, set the mixture as necessary if equipped, reduce power to idle, point airplane into wind, fly it down to one foot from the surface and level off. Then don’t let any wheels, skis or floats touch down until the whole airplane has stopped flying.
It might be necessary to add power on windy days so your putt-putt doesn’t travel backward on final. On those same days, the tail-dragger might be stubborn about turning away from the wind to backtrack on the landing area. The airplane is telling you to stop trying before you flip it over. Take off, back up in the air and land again.
Stop the engine before getting out. You started it by hand but it’s not a recommended way to stop it. Throttle to idle, mixture to full lean and magneto switches off. If the engine doesn’t stop, shut off the fuel.
Climb out and stretch. If someone comes over and asks what kind of airplane it is, you have landed at the wrong airport. If not, haul out your gear, clean the leading edges and then give the trusty old bird a gentle pat. You both earned it.

Good news for nose-dragger pilots
It’s possible to simulate flying a tail-dragger in an over-powered, electrified, tin can airplane. Start by removing all the charts, handbooks, headsets, baggage and doors from the airplane. Leave the master switch off and hand-start the engine without using the brakes. Taxi, take off and climb with no more than 2000 rpm. Cruise at a maximum of 1800 rpm. Descend and land while maintaining 1500 rpm.
Why aren’t these putt-putt tail-draggers made anymore if they are so much fun and so easy to fly? They are. They’re called ultralights.

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